..reading..

"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets." "The Truth is they are more shadows than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. Then the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are."

"Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded fro them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around." "You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as is you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around."

Quote from the book: "The Shack" by William P. Young

..giving..

Merry Christmas
I will give you everything in the world if I could
I will give you what want and what you desire most
but I am sorry to disappoint you
I am a poor college student
so poor that I cant even treat myself out to a decent dinner
so poor that all I can give for Christmas to someone is,
my heart, trust, love, and friendship
please accept these gifts of mine
I really want to be the greatest friend, son, husband, brother, and servant.
but through God it will be possible
I will work my best to give you the best gift of all
but we all have already received ours already
Jesus Christ, the greatest gift of all time
has been given to us by God himself.

..look..

Hey look, its already the start of Christmas morning.
I was so close to drinking beer with my brother in law yesterday night because it was his son's birthday party and he's my nephew. I wanted to show my brother in law that i was part of the family too by drinking and indulging myself with his way of celebrating. But, there was a few people who i was thinking of that kept me from not drinking that night. Of course GOD, was always in my mind the whole time. Secondly, my family and friends. I don't know why at the time that I was about to drink........sighs.....sadly...this is not getting anywhere. This is who I am.

..what..

what ever i tell you would not matter no more
thats what i think
what ever situation comes my way
I will be willing to face it
What ever you tell me
I will believe
Why do i do what i do now
It seems to be useless
Why do i like you so much
When you don't even notice
God, time is such a wonderful creation
But its killing me inside
Father, i never had a true father physically with me long enough
Thats why i've made a lot of mistake in my life
Girlfriend, never had one and thats probably why im like this
I thought i was strong
I thought i knew what i was doing
I never wanted it to be like this
I should of just left it how it was
But God, it feels so right
So right because you were with me in this
God, Father, you were always by my side
I'm never letting go

..long...

I am glad to be home
But sad not to be with someone
I enjoy the smile of people all around me
But I rather make someone smile right now
Watching someone suffer
Waiting to see if something will happen
Not taking that chance to help them
Not knowing that it can be you too
Yelling what your mind desires to say
Yelling and screaming for God's attention
He hears your cry
He is always near by
God is loving all the time
There is nothing else to explain to Him
Testing you to see if you are really there
Here, right now, with me.


Feeling that God is not really with me some of the times. I usually doubt that God will not provide for me anymore. There are so many temptations and trials out there that are haunting me. I can't seem to let everything that had happen in the past go. Well, some of them I've grown to let go of them, but there are my sins that still haunts me till this day. Praying, crying, asking for forgiveness. AIYA!! I know that I am forgiven, but I really need to reconsider his love, and Jesus Christ sacrifice he did for us on the cross. I live out the day pondering about how my future will look like. I probably think too much that is why i am too worry about my future. Sometimes I even think if I will become a pastor or missionary worker. Thinking about the situations in this world, pondering about how the older generations are not willing to change if the younger generation Pastors was suppose to make some few changes in the church. They are still too branded in the old traditions of how to run a church. It is how you run a church, but I believe that you have to learn how to risk a little bit, and make some new adjustments. Stop doing the same thing if there is no improvement. I just pray that there will be soon a change, or at least a vision is given out to someone to see this too. Most of my days now, are just to relax, and await another 4 months of school. I would rather be in school now, but I do love spending time with my family and friends too. Just two more weeks, and there will be countless usage of time with people, studying, tests, projects, reading, and especially being with someone!!

..rely..

looking at peoples life change
desperately seeking mines too
hoping that this girl will notice
how I really feel for her
I hope she feels the same
for what ever reasons she carries
I will still encourage her
encourage her that life is in God's hand
and I am here standing
standing and waiting
waiting patiently
people..I am happy
good or bad
i will always praise His name on high
For God is holding your hands
and he is still leading you
leading you to your purpose in life
and hopefully we, we can be by each others side...

..take..

with great patience..comes great opportunity...with great opportunity...comes great advantages...with great advantages..comes great satisfaction....with great satisfaction...comes great happiness.

..ability..

no regrets that I keep
no response is what i get
no respect from this world
no lies is what we all need
no one is being loved correctly
no person is loving truthfully
no regrets for what i just said
no comments please
no more time is wasted
no more people can trust
no does not hurt no more
no more regrets that i hold

.GOD is Good..

God, you are always at work in my life. You have given me such great friends and family. I cannot stop thanking you for everything that had happen in my life. Everything that is happening right now is in your hands. I believe that you give,....... and you take......sighs...It hurts..but I just need to realize that you are in control.............and not me. I need to be more patient about this current event. For sure you are by her side. Bless her and take good care of her Good. Show her who she really is. Teach her your ways, and use her to better your kingdom God. Many times you are always rearranging our life so that we may be able to put you first in everything that we do. I am so sorry that I doubted you God. I knew from the beginning that you were in control, but in between I slipped off. I did not put you in the middle of this situation. I have always told my friends, and family to have you in the beginning, middle, and at the end of the situation and whether good or bad, all praise and glory to you GOD. I did not do my part in this saying. Father, this is a learning experience for me and her. I am glad that we will still be able to keep a friendship bond. I am still bless, and is bless to know her. I do not regret this act that I have done. It was such a wonderful night, to see the wonderful stars shine brightly in the sky. Though time can change so many things, I know one things is true, time will never change, the way I feel for you. I have bestow this poem inside my heart to maintain our bond. I know that time is what she needs, but it seems like there is never enough time in this world. How can I possibly change in one night? How can I not feel the same for you again? How can i go on not thinking about what you said to me? Our friends were right, but we just needed to prove them wrong. God blessed us abundantly but we never saw it. He revealed ways to us but we went our own ways. How can this sudden change be acted this quickly. I know that you are still thinking about me. Of course, I am still thinking of you too. How hard we try to take this out of our mind, heart, or thoughts, we both know that we still like each other. We freaking like each other. Wait, I can't speak for you. I just know that I left it to God in the first place to handle it, and now it seems to be settling down. Friends is what you want, then it will happen in your request. If this is to make you smile, then i will do anything just to make you maintain that smile. I will go on in my life knowing that you were a blessing, not a job, or duty that God wanted me to do. Serious talk, WE are able to work this out! Father, be in control of this. All praise and Glory to God.

..know..

i now know why God loves me so much
i now know why God is jealous of me
i now know why God is here with me
i now know why God is stopping this.
realize please, please realize
realize the great things God has done in your life
realize the blessings that he has given to you
realize the unseen of this world
realize the help that he gives to you.
know what you want
know what you have
know what the world needs
know what the world does not need.
understand the Lord God's way
understand his time
understand his love
understand the fact that you are forgiven.
commit your life to God
commit to your promises
commit to your mission
commit to your ministry.
i know that God is always by my side
i know that God is by yours
i know that God is teaching us
i know that God is always loving us.

..wait..

waiting for the right moment to come
praying that God will make me patient
asking for too much huh God??
waiting for time to pass me by
praying that you will stay by my side
asking too much huh??
waiting for your answer
praying that you wont forget me
asking too many times now??
Time is precious, time does not wait.
There is too much time for the world.
Yet, there is such little time for me and you.
waiting here and asking time to stop
why do i ponder so much about these absences that does not exist
are you being aware of what god is currently doing in our lives
God is always at work
God is always with us

..express..

I wonder if I can bare
I wonder if this will be fair
Doubting God again
Misunderstanding you again
Clarifying your questions
Clarifying your assumptions
Meeting your expectations with haste
Not wanting to hate
Time is Everything
Time is not vanishing

..wait..

Waiting for the time to come
Waiting for the right moment
Praying to God every morning
Praying to God every afternoon
Praying to God every night
Watching the stars go by
Watching the time fly by
Asking for more guidance
Asking for less absences
Wondering all over the place
Wondering all over the maze
Thinking if you are thinking of me
Thinking if you are even realizing me
God is providing
God is blessing
Each day is a new day
Each night is always bright
My faith and your faith combined
My cross and your cross
Let me carry your cross

.. change..

why the heck do you need to change.
why the heck do you want to be new.
what do want more from the world.
they will persecute no matter how you look.
no matter how you dress.
why the heck do i care so much for you.
i don't even know you good enough.
i don't even know why i really care for you so much.
why do i care for you.
why do i want the best for you.
how come you wont see the love from God.
how come you still want to change after all i have done for you.
you don't believe huh?
you don't trust me?
i think i don't like you anymore?
but i think i'm loving you more and more?
each day i think of why God blesses me more?
each day God teaches me more of his ways.
i know that God has a reason for us.
i know he wanted you to be here.
God has put you in my life, for a purpose.
i am also here, to make a change in your life.
God is still teaching us new things each day.
God is still guiding us.
obey him.
love.
forgive.
be faithful.
know your consequences.
think about your actions.
Discipleship.
Help.
serve.
persevere positively.
endure the hard times.
know that God is always with you.

..Today..

'God has put me here to serve Him today"

..TIME..

God, I thank you for all the blessings that you have given me.
Watch over all of my good friends and teach us all how to love you more.
I know that there are many times we have said and done bad things to one another.
But I pray that may we forgive how you have forgiven us too.
Teach us all how to love like you have loved us.
Lead us so that we may better your kingdom.
Guide us so that we may not go astray.
Holy Spirit keep working in us.

Blessed..!

Father God, you are always loving. You have given me and bless me abundantly. I shall not want and desire anything more. You have always provided when I ask. You are always in haste to cure the brokenness in my life. The teachings you have taught me. The guidance you have provided in my life. The leadership role that you have bestow to my heart and mind after many triumphant tasks that you put me through. All of the blessings i cannot count. But your love is more than anything in this world. Nothing is to its match, non can compare the love that you given me. In days i have sin, and continued to sin like David with cruel lusting hearts that all men posses. Make me a new person that i will follow you. To the ends of the earth, take me there. Show me the way that you have made for me to walk upon. Countless blessings, blessings that are to be given to those who have not seen your love. Forgive this world and its corrupted ways O God. Forgive the person who has sin against me too O God. Father, you are always watching over us, and keeping close by, the days are filled with unexpected errors, and trial, but may everything be done in your will.

..relieved..

go on with the lie
not knowing that you are dying inside
moving alone as others are too
not knowing those aren't your shoes
remembering all the great times
imitating to be spiritually high
what happen
everything was taken
knowing that my friend wants to be free
yet i stand here and tease
wanting the best for me
i chose to be differently
why be different
God made you different already
my life is full of sin
trying to find a end
confessing
repenting
God forgive me of my sin
i should of known not to give in
all these beautiful ladies you created
they are all beautiful and devoted
so why a guy like me cannot stop the lust inside
i know im not the only one that is sinning alongside
of course every man is struggling
who ever denies it is lying
i rather let my girlfriend know now
because if i wait longer it'll haunt me forever
a sin cannot be ranked
my sin, your sin, it is still sin.

..relating..

So God had delivered me into this world for a purpose..
But I soon discovered that I have forgotten about his love for me.
I have forgotten his words that he has planted in my heart.
I also forgotten that I need to fear only God.
The pasture of peace has been lain in front.
I, not noticing it, has gone astray.
My own paths soon came to be my own fate.
Easing the pain by sinning won't work, that, I learn.
God, redirecting my ways and changing my life.
It is no longer my choice, but God's.

..Off to..

Man O Man..One more day and I'm off to School at Simpson University.
I know there will be a lot of freedom, but I won't abuse it.
The moment of schooling out of town has been in my head for a long time.
I thank GOD for everything that he has done for me in my life.
God truly knows what is best for all of us. HE will correct us and lead us.
We just need to keep on holding onto his hands and trust him all the way through.
For some times, I have doubt that GOD wasn't even by my side anymore.
I have not been faithful thats why. I have gone my own ways.
But, GOD has always been there for me. I just ignored his presence.

The whole school thing is now making me think about my future.
HAHA...funny...because like I told leah..I'm thinking whom is going to be my wife.
I will like a woman who is able to SACRIFICE, be DETERMINE, LOVING, WILLING to SERVE GOD, and be passionate about missionary work. HAHA...I am still praying about it. I know GOd will provide.

AS of right now then, I just really need to focus on GOD, SCHOOL, and FAMILY/FRIENDS.

..21st Birthday..

21 things to remember on your 21st B-Day!


#1. God loves you and you should love him too!
#2. Spend time with your family/friends.
#3. Love everyone.
#4. Be a good friend.
#5. Get done with your schoolings.
#6. Remember your mom and dads words.
#7. Look into the future.
#8. Act mature.
#9. You are now a role model to others.
#10. Live a good life.
#11. Respect your elders.
#12. Keep the good words.
#13. Learn from you mistakes.
#14. Don't shy away from the younger youths.
#16. Ask, if you don't know how to do it?(applying to anything)
#17. Socialize with everyone.
#18. Keep your friends and family accountable with their walk with Christ.
#19. It's O.K. to say "NO" too.
#20. Don't be a people pleaser.
#21. Please God first.

..justwondering..

...Its weird how girls are always searching for a NICE GUY. But when there is one, she fakes it out as if she doesn't see him close by. Its weird how guys go all around the world or states in search for the right girl. But he ends up with a girl in his hometown. Its weird how girls are always putting on make-up, how did their moms attract the dad back then? Its weird how guys are always changing their voice when picking up an phone call from a girl? But yells at their mom? Its weird how we are so easily branded by this world and its top notch fashion design these days. Its weird how people are judging other people right away, when not knowing who they really are. Its weird how we don't realize that it is IMPORTANT for us to dedicated our life to GOD. No more asking GOD to do this, do that? It has been long, our turn to do our parts. Use me GOD, teach me, guide me, take me where ever you want me to go?

..neverendingknowinggivingmyall..

wanting this relationship to be better than you do. keeping it real.
always pursuing me whenever i fall away. keeping it flowing.
giving me rest and a place of peace and solitude with you. loving me.
knowing that i have sin and is a sinner.always forgiving.
picking me out of the rubbish. love without choice.

..Alone..

You alone can not save the world with your gift.
It has to be a combination with other gifts too.
Everyone has to respect other peoples gift.
For they can be use to change this world.
Everyone has to understand that they are gifted in their own way.
God has given us all our own gifts.
Lets make sure to use it to glorify him together.
Many times we think that our gift is not as good as the other persons.
But it is unique, and one of a kind.
Lets all work together.

"You alone with your gift cannot change the whole world."

I got this quote from a movie called..."change the world" its in crunchyroll.com

..pick up..

Another phone ring.
While listening to your voice mail, it brings me happiness.
The happiness that I'm actually hearing your voice again.
I am satisfy, just to hear you say, HI!
Thanks to many gadgets, we are able to hear one another.
We are not too far away , just a couple miles away.
Another opportunity.
Prayers after prayers, and god has not answer yet.
What can this be? It is Gods decisions, not mines.
Impatiently I wait for the girl.
Another disturbance.
Dialing as fast as I can.
Just to reach you, just to talk to you.

..somewhere..

Some people will be catching the sunrise
Like eveyone else, everyone will be there too
As the heat passes through their skins
Everyone will be filled with warmth
As the moon rises from the East
I'll be there to watch
As the breeze hit my face
I'll be shivering away thoughts
Daddy, teach me something
How do I fix my bike, or how start-up the car
can I back it up
can I play with you some more.
They'll be catching the sunset
And I'll be catching the moon
Laughing and loving
That’s what most of them will do
Time will fly right by
So fast that you won't know it
God will take away
But his embrace will stay
Things will be changed
According to his wells
God knows it all
Just be sure to pray
As the moon rises from the East
I'll be there to watch
As the breeze hit my face
I'll be shivering away thoughts
As the sun sets away, far in the horizon
off to Asia, I'll be set away...

..Away..

Time has come for us to leave one another again.
Time hasn't given me or you much any more.
Time has never waited for me to tell you anything.
Time has been wasted by me again.

I have never took the time to tell you this.
I never have had the time to wish with you.
I never looked at the time when talking with you.
I didn't care how much time it took you to answer.

You've always took more time.
You've always prayed for me.
You've always wished me luck.
You've always been there with me.

God has answered all prayers.
God has been by our side.
God has loved us so much.
God is making sure, we're loving each others.

..Friendship..

Will all the good times be remember?
My good friend, I don't want our embrace to never end.
This love will soon end.
Because you are getting marry and starting your own new life.
Next time that we meet, it will only be a hand shake.
Or probably just an hug and a little smile.
For you will be with your new partner in life.
And I will be all alone.
Just thinking about how much fun and love we had for one another.
That love, the times we talked for several hours.
There will be no more.
Thinking about this, makes me not want to get marry anymore.
But it is in Gods plan for all of us to at least get marry.
knowing that our friendship is going to be totally different after you get marry,
I will still pursue on praying for you and your partner.
It will be a good thing if I met your husband and you meet my wife.
But, it will never be the same again.
....ahaha....what am I thinking now...(clears throat)..
God be in control over this.
Amen.

..someone..

As I put on my Amercan Eagle shirt
I ponder which pants should I wear, in
order to match the shirt I just worn?
Does anyone care, I asked myself?
Certaintly not!
As the shirt came right off, I reached for the Aeropostale shirt.
The same thought came to mind again.
The sihrt flew off all of a sudden.
A white T-shirt, blue jeans, and a white pair of shoes,
was what I wore to school that morning.

What more will the world think of me, I pondered?
Aha....for my car will be next?
I need a new one?
Which one?
Toyota?
Honda?
Let me see?
How about a Lexus?
Or how about a BMW 1 Sereies?
Nah..I'll just stick with the truck that my brother in law gave me!

What more, will the world think of me?

No need to worry, what they will think?
No need to worry!
I am, who I am!
I am, whom I choose to be?
To meet satisfaction!
To meet the unrealistic?
Finishing strong!
Finishing long?

Hmm...

Hoping to meet you soon again, I pray that God keeps you safe.
Safe from all evil and bad things that can possibly happen.
While I'm gone, don't miss me, let ME miss you only.
In this case then you won't have to worry about me.
Let me worry only about you.
Keep on pursuing what God has in plan for you.
Don't be afraid, for God has already given me..you!
While I'm gone, stay close and faithful to God.
For he will lead us back together.
Trust in god, for he provides all of our needs.
His love for all of us is never ending.
And to the end, I will love you.
For when we meet in heaven, I shall not keep no pass.
But I shall keep your love, and Gods too.

God take me away now.
Walking by and not noticing me?
Chatting, laughing, and having the time of your life.
New friends left and right.
Kids shouting for more attentions.
Adults, drinking their drinks.
Shouting at the top of my lungs.
God take me away now.
I no longer want to see all this tear apart.
Family, asking for more help.
Stranger, still doing the strangest thing.
Homeless, still homeless.
Friends losing one another.
God take me away now.
Lovers, divorcing and not realizing how much God loves them.
Love birds, not knowing that God is going to change their lives.
Love, easily given from God.
Thank you!

Lovers

Though we are unable to be together right now,
I Pray each day that God holds you in his hands
in replace of mine.
I think of you each and every single day,
because you are the only thing in my mind.
Though time can change so many things and bring
so many things into our lives, You will never leave my side
and I will stand by yours until the end of time.



This is my way of thinking about the ones that are deeply in love.

...one day...

God, I thank you for this life you have given me.
Hopefully it is in your way, not mines?
Is this what you really me want to do?
Or is this what I want to do?

Dad I really want to tell that I love you,
but you are no longer here with us.
Thought we didn't get to spend much time together,
you've shown me your love already.
We will meet heaven. Love you.

Mom, I thank you for your love.
Because you are the only I have left.
I Know I've leaned on your shoulders for a long time now.
Soon it will be you turn, to lean on me.
Your trust and hopes are in me.
I well not let you down!
I'll make you proud.

Family, I hate to dissapoint you guys.
But this is to better the kingdom of God.
I know you have thought of me as a better person.
But this is who I really am, and what God wants.

Friends, I thank you all for your trust in me.
I love you all!
Will all the good times be remember?
I know I will!
Will this be our last real friendship hug.
Or will the next one be a look in the eye, with no embrace?
Oh.. how I ponder about this change.
Leave it to God.

Girl, please be patient for me.
For it is, in Gods timing.
Will you wait for me?
I know I will!
Are you thiking about me?
Am I thinking of the right girl too?
Ahaha....what am I thinking?

World, this is all I can offer you.
Don't expect a lot out of me?
Don't you know that the true provider is God.
He will make sure you get enough,
and will always be by your side.
Stay close to him, and hold on tight.

God, use me, teach me, guide me, and lead me in your ways?
I want to better your kingdom.
To the ends of the earth I will go.
Help me stay faithful.
Give me a equal loving heart.