Don't tempt Me...

Be strong and move on,
look forward and run.
Yield and put on a shield,
don't hesitate to be filled.
Life is surely a challenge,
but continue to be a champion.
What is fun without the sun,
Be strong and move on.

"I'm home, alone again."

The drive home was not fun at all today. I can still hear the tire eating away the pavement as I drive it. The tread shrinking away. The loud music is keeping me calm and focus on the road. The ongoing thought of "Will I make it home?" runs through my mind every minute. Steadily controlling the wheel and making sure I don't go into another lane. I drop speed when I think my tire is drifting too much. My eyes gazing on and off the gas gauge, making sure I have enough gas home. The other drivers are minding their own business while I drive this vehicle that can break down any second. The endless prayers continues as I got home and parked my car in front of the house. Nice and slow as I approach the front door, awaiting a welcome home.

"Be Hopeful."

Keep Smiling...

Another day, another try
Missing your soft touch
Another round, another drink
Getting myself drunk lately

Wiping the tears away
Moving on with my life
No looking back
Forgetting about us
Pushing these feelings aside
Letting you hold your smile
(To make him smile…)

Another night, another cry
Breaking my own heart again
Another shooting star, another wish
Letting these feelings drift away

I cannot change your past
But we can change the future
I may be able to fix everything
But not the way I feel for you

Wiping the tears away
Moving on with my life
No looking back
Forgetting about us
Pushing these feelings aside
Letting you hold your smile
(To make him smile…)

Back Then...

The past can either haunt you, or teach you. It is funny how I look back and see how I chased dreams, drifted away from family, friends, and God. But one thing I remember I was not going to lose sight on the life I had ahead of me. I wanted to see my family and I happy. I wanted to see myself finish college. I wanted to see my wife, kids, travel to places, serve people, and make my family proud. But much of the past has made me whom I am today believe it or not.

I can still remember the smell of grease on my hands, the bike tire/rim, the tall green grass by the railroad where we use to play. The endless nights of hide and seek and cops and robbers. The hot sumer nights that we stayed outside and slept outside because out parents wouldn't turn on the air conditioner (they wanted to save money). I can still remember the days where I use to play house with my neighbor's kids.

The time where I had friends who'll come over with their Nintendo game console and play it at my house. I remember the time where the boys and I made our very own authentic cut out from the tree slingshots. We went hunting crazy around the neighborhood and got chased by a black guy. We shot his car by accident.

I remember the time where I raced by best buddy around the block and flew off my bike and scrapped my left chest. I remember all the fights, the shootings, the robberies, the burglaries, the car theft, and the crying in the neighborhood. But I do remember the happy faces, the wrinkle old smiling faces in the morning. The cry of a child that needs a mother's presence at dawn. The laughter and friendship that was made. This was my childhood days.

Middle school and High school came like a heartbeat. All of a sudden I was messed up and pursuing foolish things in life. I was already hanging out with the wrong crowd. Or was the people outside of our group the outsiders and wrong about us?!

Growing up I did not have much in my family. Our family did not have the latest gadgets. My parents were good at making and finding use items for us that we were happy for what they got us. I remember my dad buying a used bike for my younger brother, then I helped him fix his bike and mine. Spring cleaning season was like Christmas for me. I remember my buddies and I would go out on Friday evenings and hunt for bike parts.

One week ago I was in a car accident. Sadly to say, it was a hit and run. The guy ran a red light while turning. I did my best to avoid him and brake. My beautiful truck was taken away from me right then. I only have liability Insurance for my truck. Long story short: the insurance company I have does not cover my whole car. I knew that I was going to lose my truck, but for some reason I had this hope in me that everything was going to be okay. That I might be able to fix it and ride it again in no time. Although it will take me a long time and money.

I've been given lots of things in life. The first car I had was free and same thing for the truck. In life we might get things our way, but in reality it really isn't. We think that we are in control, but in the eyes of God we are not. Sometimes in life things are taken away from us unexpectedly. Just like how my truck was taken away from me, things in life are taken away from us.

But I thought about the people in the third world country and how they do not have the stuff that I have. The house that I live under, the cars that I drive, the food that I eat, the AC and Heat I get during the season, the job I have, and the God I believe in. Sighs...then why do I worry? Its probably because I have the car and use it frequently. Its probably because I am oblivious to these things in life that I take for granted. But above all, I give praise and glory to God for all the things in life that He has given me. I will cherish the time here, the possessions I have in life, and the people.

Taking Hits...

Not allowing my feelings to overtake me,
Sit aside the foolish thoughts.
Throwing away every happy moments,
making sense of what is not.
Confuse and lost here I come,
with no more questions to be said.
Let alone the teary eyes,
flow from one person's face.
How foolish am I to ever think,
that we could be together and free.

Nothing More...

Feelings hidden and brushed off,
What else can I do.
People swaying along,
not knowing the pain inside.
The world in despair,
taking everything for granted.
Simple as I can be,
hard as a rock as I move on.
Goals set and locked,
target in sight.
Encountering God,
moving because He is.

2011 Summer

Day in and day out I sit and think about my future. How it will all come to me within a heart beat. Better days has gone away and I await more to come. I am learning to live life and enjoy what life brings. Many of the times it is hard to accept and admit what you want in life. I try to make excuses and avoid such situations (I am too good at this). Many of my friends say that I can do everything, and fix everything. They are right to some extent. But to say that I am good at everything, sighs, I wish I could be. But I will try my best to be the person that God has made me to be. I will be the Son that my father and mother wants me to be. I will honor the name of my family. I will do my best as a brother to my siblings and take care of them. I will offer myself to my friends, and always be that good friend who is there when needed. I will be the husband that loves his wife and children. A husband who is willing to die for his family. A servant of God who is willing to go wherever God leads me. A follower of Christ.