..long...

I am glad to be home
But sad not to be with someone
I enjoy the smile of people all around me
But I rather make someone smile right now
Watching someone suffer
Waiting to see if something will happen
Not taking that chance to help them
Not knowing that it can be you too
Yelling what your mind desires to say
Yelling and screaming for God's attention
He hears your cry
He is always near by
God is loving all the time
There is nothing else to explain to Him
Testing you to see if you are really there
Here, right now, with me.


Feeling that God is not really with me some of the times. I usually doubt that God will not provide for me anymore. There are so many temptations and trials out there that are haunting me. I can't seem to let everything that had happen in the past go. Well, some of them I've grown to let go of them, but there are my sins that still haunts me till this day. Praying, crying, asking for forgiveness. AIYA!! I know that I am forgiven, but I really need to reconsider his love, and Jesus Christ sacrifice he did for us on the cross. I live out the day pondering about how my future will look like. I probably think too much that is why i am too worry about my future. Sometimes I even think if I will become a pastor or missionary worker. Thinking about the situations in this world, pondering about how the older generations are not willing to change if the younger generation Pastors was suppose to make some few changes in the church. They are still too branded in the old traditions of how to run a church. It is how you run a church, but I believe that you have to learn how to risk a little bit, and make some new adjustments. Stop doing the same thing if there is no improvement. I just pray that there will be soon a change, or at least a vision is given out to someone to see this too. Most of my days now, are just to relax, and await another 4 months of school. I would rather be in school now, but I do love spending time with my family and friends too. Just two more weeks, and there will be countless usage of time with people, studying, tests, projects, reading, and especially being with someone!!