..reading..

"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets." "The Truth is they are more shadows than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. Then the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are."

"Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded fro them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around." "You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as is you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around."

Quote from the book: "The Shack" by William P. Young

..giving..

Merry Christmas
I will give you everything in the world if I could
I will give you what want and what you desire most
but I am sorry to disappoint you
I am a poor college student
so poor that I cant even treat myself out to a decent dinner
so poor that all I can give for Christmas to someone is,
my heart, trust, love, and friendship
please accept these gifts of mine
I really want to be the greatest friend, son, husband, brother, and servant.
but through God it will be possible
I will work my best to give you the best gift of all
but we all have already received ours already
Jesus Christ, the greatest gift of all time
has been given to us by God himself.

..look..

Hey look, its already the start of Christmas morning.
I was so close to drinking beer with my brother in law yesterday night because it was his son's birthday party and he's my nephew. I wanted to show my brother in law that i was part of the family too by drinking and indulging myself with his way of celebrating. But, there was a few people who i was thinking of that kept me from not drinking that night. Of course GOD, was always in my mind the whole time. Secondly, my family and friends. I don't know why at the time that I was about to drink........sighs.....sadly...this is not getting anywhere. This is who I am.

..what..

what ever i tell you would not matter no more
thats what i think
what ever situation comes my way
I will be willing to face it
What ever you tell me
I will believe
Why do i do what i do now
It seems to be useless
Why do i like you so much
When you don't even notice
God, time is such a wonderful creation
But its killing me inside
Father, i never had a true father physically with me long enough
Thats why i've made a lot of mistake in my life
Girlfriend, never had one and thats probably why im like this
I thought i was strong
I thought i knew what i was doing
I never wanted it to be like this
I should of just left it how it was
But God, it feels so right
So right because you were with me in this
God, Father, you were always by my side
I'm never letting go

..long...

I am glad to be home
But sad not to be with someone
I enjoy the smile of people all around me
But I rather make someone smile right now
Watching someone suffer
Waiting to see if something will happen
Not taking that chance to help them
Not knowing that it can be you too
Yelling what your mind desires to say
Yelling and screaming for God's attention
He hears your cry
He is always near by
God is loving all the time
There is nothing else to explain to Him
Testing you to see if you are really there
Here, right now, with me.


Feeling that God is not really with me some of the times. I usually doubt that God will not provide for me anymore. There are so many temptations and trials out there that are haunting me. I can't seem to let everything that had happen in the past go. Well, some of them I've grown to let go of them, but there are my sins that still haunts me till this day. Praying, crying, asking for forgiveness. AIYA!! I know that I am forgiven, but I really need to reconsider his love, and Jesus Christ sacrifice he did for us on the cross. I live out the day pondering about how my future will look like. I probably think too much that is why i am too worry about my future. Sometimes I even think if I will become a pastor or missionary worker. Thinking about the situations in this world, pondering about how the older generations are not willing to change if the younger generation Pastors was suppose to make some few changes in the church. They are still too branded in the old traditions of how to run a church. It is how you run a church, but I believe that you have to learn how to risk a little bit, and make some new adjustments. Stop doing the same thing if there is no improvement. I just pray that there will be soon a change, or at least a vision is given out to someone to see this too. Most of my days now, are just to relax, and await another 4 months of school. I would rather be in school now, but I do love spending time with my family and friends too. Just two more weeks, and there will be countless usage of time with people, studying, tests, projects, reading, and especially being with someone!!

..rely..

looking at peoples life change
desperately seeking mines too
hoping that this girl will notice
how I really feel for her
I hope she feels the same
for what ever reasons she carries
I will still encourage her
encourage her that life is in God's hand
and I am here standing
standing and waiting
waiting patiently
people..I am happy
good or bad
i will always praise His name on high
For God is holding your hands
and he is still leading you
leading you to your purpose in life
and hopefully we, we can be by each others side...