On forward to the future.

Less scars and fears,

Closer to the goal,

With every ounce of wits and tears.  

The Fear of Man

How can people fear God when the reality of abuse is so global?

There are no alternatives. The fear of God must remain greater than the fear of Man. David's conclusion in Ps.27 is that,  "I may dwell in the house of the Lord forever. One day, justice will be served. One day this life will be over. The old order of things will pass away." 

History does repeat itself

Mom, I am so sorry that I have gout. I hate to see this happening to you again. You took care of Dad for long. Up until his death, and now me. Father God, I am so so very thankful for such a beautiful and loving Mother. I don't want her to suffer again. I have seen enough.

You can never play God.

ATTACK!!!

Being haunted by something you can't see, touch, smell, and fight back is frustrating. This enemy can come in various forms and sizes. Whether it is terminally, hereditary, or what ever the case may be. Human beings cannot escape such defeat. Maybe some. Gout has gotten me, again. I have lost so much sleep for 2 whole nights. I keep waking up every other hour. I am praying earnestly and drinking so much water. I know have been on a very poor diet which is the cause of my gout attack. I thank God for friends and family who are so encouraging at times like this.

My girlfriend Natalie Quitasol. You are an inspiration to me and my better half. I thank God day and night for such a understanding and discerning women of God you are. You are my second best friend (Jesus is first), my mom, and you I love with all my heart. I thank you two for standing by my side all the time. I know I am accident prone and it seems like a cycle. I know and believe God has way for us in this relationship. Though we all come from different walks of lives, culture, we are carrying the same cross. 

The very same cross that Jesus died on. The one that he bled on. The one that hundreds of Jews and Roman soldiers witness the death and Jesus Christ being crucified on. Let us remind ourselves that we each have one. Lets us not put anymore pain, suffering, and weight on each others. We don't want more anymore of it. The cross itself is heavy enough for one person to carry. May we learn to forgive, love, and be like Christ to all. Let us continue to build and correct each other in love.

Christianity nowadays

   
 I have been pondering, observing, watching closely, listening, and thinking about some the life and ways of Christianity. "When it comes to Family, Faith is out of the question." We see this in a new follower's choice of life and his newly walk of faith. But guess what, us old believers or mid-life followers of Christ still do the same. Our families still dis-owns us when we fall out of GOD'S WILL. Or whatever they make of it.
     If you dis-agree with me, look back in your life and dig really, really, really far back. You'll start seeing things that you want to hide and forget about. Those forgotten events in life sucks pretty much when your family persecuted you, right?! I'm talking about Christians persecuting Christians. Now why does that happen? You be the judge? What does it mean to be a follower of Christ?

Not like any Summer

          This Summer has been a hard, dry, and bumpy ride. I came home expecting to get a job and finish up on my BA degree. But instead I was hit hard with life obstacles. For some reason, the good always out weighs the bad. My time with Natalie this past weekend at Loma Mar park in Pescadaro, Ca., tide pooling at Natural Bridges Beach in Santa Cruz, Ca., and slow roasting marsh mellows in the backyard of her house, re-creating S'mores with five varieties of chocolate. I wanted time to hold back on counting forward and  forget about the future. I wanted it all to stop right here. But I knew that the next day, things would get better.
          Ah, the salty smell and humidity of the west coast. California did not ask for it. But God placed it there so that the people can enjoy it all and call it paradise. To some, it is just a tourist attraction. To my lovely and  beautiful girlfriend, it is her home. I am in debt to the nicest people in Santa Cruz county. To the Barbers and their lovely hospitable neighbor. To local brewery and diners. The surfers who are always in the 'green zone.' Ah, Santa Cruz and Natalie you have stolen my heart. I would not mind living there one day.
          Have you ever hit rock bottom and not know what to do in life? Have you ever seen or talk to a homeless person ans try to understand them?! I know its not the greatest examples, but the moral of the story is, love others and you'll see love. It's crazy, but true.

Taking Turns

Taking Turns

The day ends by night, and memories are made by people.
Just one stroke of the brush, to paint away our history.
Will it be empty, or filled with little dimples.
Time pushes people, but people push themselves to be better.
Push and shove we go, not noticing the crippled.
Higher and higher we evolve, leaving those behind to wither.
God is a master-mind, He mends our way.

Harp..

Waiting for your response. 

I am suffocating. 

I want you here with me.

Waiting for a miracle. 

I will be patient.

I am willing.

Waiting for the big day.

I am preparing.

I will be there. 

In Troubled times, I look unto Jesus.
He holds my hand, as I overcome the struggles.
His love covers me, the price has been paid.
I see His crown, the crown of forgiveness.
He has given it to me, I will wear it proudly.

Power of Prayer

Don't try to hide your tears, someone will always notice them...

          Thunder had just finished preaching his sermon and delivering the word of God to the Hmong congregation in Yuba City this afternoon. Everything he said and preached, hit home! I couldn't believe my mind that God used him to reach out to me, and who knows who else?! I was trying so hard to keep in these tears of mine. I was tired, and exhausted. 

          By now, I am suppose to be done with school. I was supposed to have in my possession a BA degree, or certificate displaying my full. But I don't. I never took a Math course in college and that was the last thing for me to accomplish. I've tried to bypass it be taking an MPE Math Proficiency Exam. But I've failed all three times. Sighs, I dropped to my knees in silence. I wanted to yell and burst into tears. But I am not giving up easily. I know I can do it. 

          Right after the sermon, Simeon Frank and I stood on the side of the pews and waited as Thunder's friend flocked him after preaching the world of God. Simeon looked at me and kindly said, "can I pray for you Sao." Right there at the very moment, my tears started to fall like rain drops. I was basically bawling and my nose was running like crazy! I didn't know God was going to use Simeon, a German/Turkish Missionary Kid to pray to me, reach out to me, comfort me, and love over me. But God knew that I needed confirmation that I will accomplish this test. 

          There are times in life where we think its impossible. My dad died when I was only 14 years old. I had to learn how to fix my own bike, fish by myself, fix cars by myself, make my own sling-shot, and discover multiple things on my own. But I thank God for blessing me safety and love. Now, I am blessing other people with my gifts and talents. I've always wished my Dad could have been there with me. But I knew that He was gone, although God was with me at all times, I ignored Him. 

           Evil is always at work, the Good shall never rest. I heard this quote a long long time ago from a movie. Don't remember exactly where. But it put me in check. I always reminded myself that this is true and that evil is luring people away, so I have to continue to be Good. This is a little late, but if you are wondering what Thunder preached on, it was about 2 Corinthians 12:9a "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Use it wisely, and depend on it daily. 

         I realize that we are not that aggressive when the gospel is not popular. But when it is, we tend to rise up and own it! We were bought by the blood of Jesus, and by His atonement free from all sins. What more do we need as proof! Live daily knowing that you are saved if you have asked Him to be your lord and savior. Invite Jesus to sit beside you when you eat, work, and sleep. Ask Him to empower you daily and know that you have the ability to bless others with the blessing that He first blessed you with. 

At this moment...

True feelings are hard to come out.

Finding time of your whereabouts. 

Love is where you are.

Man up to my mistakes.

Let me take you away.

Love is where you are.

About time that I found you.

Making moves to kill the mood.

Love is where you are. 

Summer time is hot and lonely.

Not when you are next to me.

Love is where you are.

I am blessed to be with you Natalie. You are inspirational and always encouraging. I know we have lots to learn from one another. Who could have thought I be here writing about us? I never saw myself with another girl. But when I saw your smile, the laughter, and the free spirit inside of you, it brighten me up. You gave me hope and loved me like no other. God was watching over me and introduced you. I know we both long for the exciting past when we were both in school. I'm sorry it didn't happen sooner in school. haha. I think things could have been different, huh?! 

But I like everything that is happening now. Despite that very fact that I don't get to see you often, I know that you are waiting patiently for me everyday. I see a many dreams and passion withing you. May God continue to bless this relationship and all that we do. May He use both of us to better His kingdom and bring people to Christ. The universe is vast and limitless. It is unknown to mankind. But the love that I have for you, with you, it is immeasurable. 

Midnight Blues...

Have a listen to one of the tunes I made up. God Bless to all!

Time to Jam!

Wow, it has been the longest! But I am almost done with school and trying to fit back in at home. Currently, I have been playing the harmonica and jamming it with my guitar. Who knew I was going to play anyways! I guess its a good thing since everyone else plays the guitar. I suppose there is never too many guitarist. But the harmonica has given me time to express my feelings and inner thought. I never knew such a instrument can calm a soul. Music itself soothing to the ear and universal. I hope you'll pick up a instrument you've always wanted to play. Don't give up so easily, just keep practicing! I remember when I first started to play the guitar, it took me 6 months to strum, pick, and change chords. Our creator gave us the ability and gift of music. Use it to cure, love, and most importantly to praise the one who first loved us, God. 

          - Accepting His Change, is accepting His Power. 

 

Through the eyes of many...

          I'll try to be as clear as possible here. I try to understand people and their origins. I try to look at life through their eyes. I try to love on them and capture the beauty that makes them alive. I know I am not the smartest person or wisest. But what I do have is this mind and heart...I want to understand you all. Every step that I take on campus here at school makes, draws me closer to the students studying with me. I know I can't be in their shoes, or think like them, and talk like them. But I can experience and be there for them when they need me. Maybe it is the complexion of this young Asian American guy that there is a space filled with intimidation. Ha...what is there to be scare of?! My point here is that WE all live life differently. But just take time to see what the other person is going through. Take a look at the unfamiliar eyes and let it soak a little. Don't let the complexion scare you off. 

          Allow every step that you take be a opportunity. Hear the music of the minority, lost, drunk, abused, and even dominant play in your ears. We are all one as Genki Sudo has shown. Through the eyes of many we can change the world. Allowing others to see your view, and you being able to do the same is difficult. But taking a chance and a leap of faith takes us closer to one another. Being able to share commonality and life's struggles is one that we all struggle with. But when we take that moment, just that small moment to observe and soak in the individual's life, I believe that can move us. Just enough, just enough to enlighten us. You see, we all have a spark but where did that spark come from? Who made the spark? Who started the Spark? 

I am Blessed...

          The sun rises and we start another day. Another day we make mistakes and goals fulfilled. Dreams are started and a spark is born. We all live with guidance, wisdom, and a sense of direction in life. We all make mistakes and bad choices.  I understand that we are all born into different society sects, different cultures, and different beliefs. We all come from different walks of life. We see life different and experience life differently. We have different knowledge and wisdom of life. May we come to share and build one another through teaching, loving, and respecting one another. 

          I know God does not exist for some people. Its sad to say, but it is true. I wonder how many know the story if Jesus? I wonder how many people are not saved? I want to travel the world love them all. But is that enough? Will it change them? Is it worth it? Missionaries have traveled and evangelized to many unreachable tribes and people in the world. What more can I do if I go. I suppose I am proving to myself and the world that I have a part in it. 

          It is cold and that time of year again. It is when the stocks and businesses sky rockets because people are buying gifts after gifts for friends and family. I suppose the saying, "Money makes the world goes round," is true to some degree. I have not done any shopping yet. My mind is on my family and much I want to get them gifts. But my heart wants something more than that. I hope they understand me if they ever read this. The one desire and best gift I can receive from my family is their love and support in the things that I do. I love them all and would sacrifice anything for them. 

          One of the best gift I received this year is the lovely Natalie Elizabeth Quitasol. God has been good and evident in my life. I have been healed, saved from life threatening accidents, survived countless accidents and injuries. Thank You God! This lady is amazing. She is intelligent, beautiful, and a Godly woman. She is funny, cooks, eats, and adventurous. She loves diversity and seeks to learn new culture, and new exotic food to eat. Sounds like my kind of girl! That is why I am blessed by God to have this chance with her. We have been dating for 1 month and eight days. We've known each other for four years, but never hooked up. I believe within those four years, God was preparing us for this. Now that we are both dating and more mature, we are both confident in each other. 

          I would not mind spending the rest of my life with her and exploring life with her. To travel and wander the mass Earth together. To eat, drink, and hike the highest peak with her. What more can I ask for! I hope she understands that this is real. Although it seems fast and unreal. This is real and real as it can be. All that we have been through, everything that we promise, all that has been said and done. May we both cherish the hard times and good times together. May God teach us and guide us to be great lovers and fearing God. I have so much to say about you and for you. But I would like to save it all when the big day comes. May God keep you safe and use you to better the Kingdom of God. May he prepare both our hearts to what He has in store for us. May we be open to His teachings and guidance. 

May I...

May I have this moment with you, to wander the magnificent wonders of life. May I be given enough time, to soak in all the happiness we had. May the good Lord watch over you, and keep you safe in His arms. May I have the chance to discover this world. May I help you carry your cross to the ends of this world. May the world see the love that we shared, and not our world figures. May the warmth of the sun keep you warm and never cold. May the cool nights give you rest and peace to recuperate. May God's love flood this earth and His people, so that they may see what they all have been missing out on.

Start Kill Gore Library

Enjoy this short film. Directed by: Suzong Her

http://youtu.be/A4v04_i20nM

Healing days...

Never could imagined to lose you so soon,
Why in haste of a full moon.

Rain of tears fall everywhere,
Some have shoulders, others are in fear.

Singled out by many ideas of this world,
Let no man come to take what the Angels have sung to in ears.

It has been a while since I've written or blogged. This semester has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, relationships, and school work. I am trying very hard to control everything and make everything sound and look good. But I am wrong for trying. I should pursue the peace and quiet time with God. Jesus did the same thing right after he healed the man with the demon. He went to a place of solitude and prayed. Today at Risen King Church of Redding, Ca; Pastor Bill Randall preached on the series called, "Kingdom Tensions."
We live life trying to please and fulfill something. But why do we do that?! Isn't love from God enough? The only fulfillment we need is, to know that we are loved by God! I am guilty at this and am trying to keep this in my heart and mind. This is my last year here, God use me to better your kingdom, teach me, and guide to be a better servant. May my brothers and sisters continue to love you and your people more and more each day. Amen.